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Bad Idea Roundup

Endangered Species Meat Alternatives

Environmentalists and animal rights groups want to raise the profile of vegan meat alternatives. Conservationists want to protect endangered species. It's a perfect match!

Let's make a vegan versions of the meat from endangered wildlife and put a portion of the profits towards protecting that animal. Think of the possibilities! White tiger tartare! Bald eagle burgers! Panda pâté! Rhino ribs! Sea turtle sliders! The Whale Whopper™!

The conservationists get the tissue samples, the environmentalists grow the cells in a lab, and the result is sold in high-end eateries to wealthy patrons who want to brag about tasting Orangutan amuse bouche while pretending they did it for a good cause.

Regional Goodbyes

You may have heard of the Irish goodbye, where someone leaves quickly without saying anything to anyone. There is also the Midwestern goodbye, in which you spend an hour making conversation that implies you are planning on leaving without ever actually saying goodbye.

All countries and regions deserve to have their own special style of goodbye! For example a British goodbye could be when you tip an imaginary hat and say, "Ta-ta for now!" and a Pacific Northwest goodbye could be when you subtly nod to the host with a look of shared repression.

Ideally these would be legally codified like flags or birds.

Therapy Trojan Horse Action Movie

The movie is advertised as an over-the-top action flick starring staple actors like The Rock and Scarlett Johansson. It opens with what would normally be the climactic scene, a ragtag group of heroes saving world. One of them sacrifices themselves in the process. The movie then hard cuts to an anniversary celebration 10 years later. The former heroes are slowly forced to acknowledge how the trauma they endured saving the world has negatively impacted their lives. The whole rest of the movie is a well-acted character drama that culminates with the heroes accepting help and therapy. Michael Bay directs the opening while Noah Baumbach does the rest.

Omniball

Individual competition has triathlons and decathlons to find out who is the most well-rounded athlete. We should do the same the same thing for team sports! I've named it omniball, a competition where the same group of people must compete in five randomly selected sports. Best of five wins. The sport could be any team sport that takes place in an arena, be it volleyball, american football, everyone else football, hockey, rugby, basketball, ultimate frisbee, you name it! Omniball is a sport that finds the team that is best at competitive team sports in general, not just one particular game.

There are a few technical details to work out. Hockey would have to be roller or field hockey, since icing the arena part way through would probably take too long. Baseball and cricket stadiums are too big. Volleyball would be a bit far away from the stands. Otherwise it's a perfect idea!